Want A Guaranteed Punch In The Face?

Generally, people are not violent.  However every now and then something can occur that just so happens to really catch your goad, get your hackles up, irritate like a cheese grater on your knuckles, a flame thrower in your face.  And sometimes, that thing happens 8 times in one day.  Today to be exact.

Let me be succinct. I want to punch people in the face when they tell me: You can’t have that on your diet!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Shut your face! Holy smokes nothing is more irritating.  Guess what folks, YES I FREAKING CAN!!!! Why does everyone assume that because I’m on a diet they have a god-given right to act as monitor of my calorie intake? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Case in point:

  1. Bagel Thin with a measured amount of almond butter: You can’t have that on your diet!
  2. Measured amount of 12 M&Ms: You can’t have that on your diet!
  3. Side salad with ranch dressing: You can’t have that on your diet!
  4. Quaker Rice Crisps, 1 serving: You can’t have that on your diet!
  5. You can’t have that on your diet!
  6. You can’t have that on your diet!
  7. You can’t have that on your diet!
  8. You can’t have that on your diet!

Honestly, its exhausting.  The statement comes with a look of disgust. That: OMG she’s losing it and is headed straight back to fatdom. 

I can appreciate that perhaps people are trying to be encouraging.  They want to help.  They’re proud of the progress I’ve made.  But lets be honest. Unless you’re actually God (Hint: you aren’t) , a best friend ( hint: you’re probably not) or my WW Leader (Marie is a gift) then don’t ever presume that you have the right to “help” me by telling me what I can and can’t eat.  People have no idea what my allowed points are, what I’ve eaten that day, or what I’ve already planned out to allow so that I can have M&Ms. Stop people! Stop!  Its not helpful.  You don’t know my willpower. Don’t ever assume that a judgmental look is beneficial.

Just encourage me. As Thumper put it in the movie Bambi: “If you can’t say  something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.”

Follow that tidbit of advice, and a punch in the face will not be guaranteed.

Nuff’ said.

Disney’s Movie: Bambi

The Biscuit Beast

When I was 4 I can remember very clearly sitting at the dinner table enjoying fresh biscuits that my mother had made.  Fresh hot biscuits right out of the oven. Could anything be better? Yes. Fresh hot biscuits that taste good.  Even decent would suffice. While my mom is probably one of the best cooks I’ve ever known and will ever know (no I don’t say this because she’s my mother, she’s actually won awards) she lacks a few skills in the biscuit department. Her biscuits were beasts, without beauty.

Now while for normal people this could be easily overlooked, since she can bake and cook like a pro and can rival Paula Dean, for my father it just didn’t cut it. So for a 4 year old, who adores her mother and her cooking, to hear her father say: They’re just not like my mama’s biscuits; it’s quite confusing.  What the heck does that mean? And how about you just enjoy the things since we didn’t have to make them.

Side Note: My dad isn’t a complainer by any means.  I can only remember two meals my mother made that were anything but perfection.  One of them was stuffed peppers. She and I both knew they were horrific hurl-inducing anomalies but she wanted to see what my pops would say.  So like nothing was amiss she placed them on the table and served em’ up  … … …

Me: What do you think Dad? Do you like them?

Quizzical brow:  Delicious!  Can I have seconds?

The Cook: Peals of laughter!

Holy smokes we laughed. Finally we let him in on the joke; and sheepishly he just grinned and refused to admit that were anything less than perfection.

But back to the biscuits.  Biscuits were a precious thing to him.  My grandmother had since passed and so for my father… fresh hot morning biscuits…. that tasted delicious= GODLINESS. 

Fast forward 25 years. I’m home visiting and surprise, surprise, wake up to find my father has finally decided to make biscuits himself.  After hearing his complaints for the first ten years of marriage my mother finally gave up and only ever served store bought biscuits. They sufficed.  But after another 20 years of marriage… they wouldn’t hold the butter any longer.  He decided he was going to take the biscuit by the bowl and make them himself.

Round 1: Disaster.  Hard balls of dry dough.  Poor guy.  He had such hopes and dreams.

Round 2: Never a quitter… He watched some videos online… ever the researcher… and turned his newly found skills, mixed with memories of seeing his mama make them every morning for 20 years… and voila! Whoa.  Stop the presses.  Did this just happen?

Biscutis 1 Biscuits Honey

You can bet your buttered biscuits that just happened.  Or should I say honeyed biscuits? Because with a dabble of honey, not butter… we’re still on a diet remember… They’re just what mama/grandma ordered, and my father for that matter too: GODLINESS. He turned her biscuit beasts into ones that even Belle would fall for. Beauty and the Beast style.

Round 3-6: Just kept getting better.  We had waves of people over every morning since my parents house is like Grand Central Station for everybody in town (they love it.)

While visiting for 4 1/2 days I ate like a queen, like my father when he was 5, and enjoyed biscuits with sausage gravy EVERY SINGLE MORNING.  Yes of course my mother made the gravy… its perfection. Pure perfection, no videos or training needed for her.

And thus the two of them have yet again become a perfect pair. Beauty and the Beast. Sausage gravy and biscuits. Perfection personified.

Snowman Snow

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. No I can’t sing. Can’t even carry a tune.  I don’t even try in the shower, but let me say, boy can I whistle!  So when I see snow… a hot teapot’s got nothing on me.  Thus was day 2 on my home visit.  The clouds rolled it, the weatherman had made his forecast, and the temperature dropped.  Snow! Snow! Glorious blizzarding snow! But what to do? Yes I love it but I need activity points.  I’m here visiting family, eating like Bruce Bogtrotter in the movie Matilda (it gets good at 3:16.)

So when faced with the dilema, I settled on more cards and homemade chocolate pudding. (Whistling Dixie when my mom cooks.) The next day the sun was back… That’s MT for you.  They say MT has 363 days of sunshine.  Big Sky country.  And with sunshine comes warmth.  And with warmth comes perfect snow.  When I say perfect snow I mean snow that is deep enough and damp enough to stick, yet not melt, nor turn into an ugly off white. Glistening, sticky, and yet still firm. Snowman snow.  In MT we would usually get feather snow. Flitting bits that would come down dry and be blown away quickly. Rarely staying, and if it did, turning to ice within hours.  But this was a special day. I could feel it.  The temperature was a balmy 42. The sun was smiling for all its worth. The chocolate pudding was happily hugging my tummy.  It was time to make a snowman.

I’ve certainly made a number of snowmen in my life. I’m no expert, nor do I belong in a snowman competition.  However I certainly appreciate the finer aspects of making a snowman.  The packing, the base building, the rounding and smoothing process.  Making sure the thing will last once its built.  It was time. And thus my whistling returned with a points plus activity status of +6. More pudding anyone? Yes please!

Snowman

Stats:

7 feet tall

100’ diameter

2 ton weigh in

I bought him a Weight Watchers membership when I was finished.

There’s No Place Like Home

Boy did Dorothy say it true.  If only I had her red heels. But with just plain kicks home I went. And what a glorious arrival it was!  Remember my secret? Well it was time for the big reveal.  The airplane had landed and down the stairs I came (I still miss the escalator days but this is a diet!) beaming to see my mama and not knowing what to expect from her.  Its been 7 months since I’ve seen her and 3 months on WW+. Would she notice right away? Would she not?

It wasn’t immediate. We were both just happy to hug and enjoy being together again.  It was so nice just to be… Home.  Then it came… the recognition, the questioning look, the bright smile: “Honey, you look fabulous!” YES!!!!!

What a feeling.  Glee! Both my parents were so happy for me.  After telling them all about the program, how it worked, how things were going, I think they may join as well.  We’ll see.

The few days there were glorious. Yes I tried hard to stay on WW+ and yes the parents helped but my 3 month vacation from strict dieting was due. And boy did I celebrate. Stories to come!

Being home was the reward I had been looking for and needed. A pat on the back. An incentive to keep going. I wish everyone had that same home.

The Hills Are Alive

Snack Time!

As we all know, snacks are a part of life.  No matter what your allowed points on WW+ everyone needs snacks. I need lots of them. I’m more of a snack all day than sit down and eat a meal type of person. Who am I kidding I’m both. Thankfully on WW+ snacks are highly encouraged.  Since fruits and vegetables are “free” point-wise they’re an easy snack to grab. But sometimes, usually actually, fruit just doesn’t cut it and I am more than willing to spend a few points on a goody snack.  Here are a few of my favorite thus far:

 

Nature Valley Granola Thins: Point + Value: 2

 

Oh these are so yummy! These little babies pack a punch of chocolate goodness that really hits the spot! No they might not stave off your hunger for an entire afternoon, but if a bit of sugar is what you need right after a meal to keep you from eating a second lunch, these are what you need.

 

POP Chips: Points + Value: 3

 

 

Holy smokes watch out.  No joke they say that these chips are “Love. Without the handles.”  Well I wish they had handles so that I could carry more of them home with me from the grocery store.  Truly these are my go-to chip.  I’m a huge fan of the original although some of my friends prefer the bbq.  Both are excellent.

Trader Joe’s Fiberful Granola Bars: Points + Value: 3

fiberful

So I never was a big fan of granola bars.  In fact when I first had the opportunity to try these babies a friend of mine who was on a high fiber diet offered me a taste.  I turned her down.  Granola bars? Gross.  But we were in the car and it was going to be a long wait until I could get a snack of my own so I pilfered another offer and took a bite. And low and behold…. stop the presses…. move over Red Robin… YUMM!!!  Well not quite as YUMM as Red Robin but still. For a granola bar… quite fabulous.  The Rolled Oats and Peanut Butter version is for sure the best flavor. They’re now in my stash of go-to snacks.  Hope you enjoy them too!

Weigh In! Trust Me- Trust The Program & Trust Pecan Pie

Holy guacamole!  Ok honest to goodness gracious this past week I’ve been miserably sick.  Three dear friends brought me soup and I bought myself soup as well.  Sick as I was, a person might think, oh she’s not feeling well enough to eat anything, right? Wrong!  No amount of miserable headaches, coughing, and disgustingness was going to stop me from enjoying the best chicken soup in the world made by a friend of mine. A friend who apparently only knows how to make soup cause it seems like that’s all she makes. (But she sure makes some fine soupage let me tell ya.) So I had my fair share of goodiness, then was feeling better.  So decided to head to an anniversary party with a chocolate fondue fountain… Eeep!  I steered clear.  Then a nacho stand…. Yikes!  Sharp left turn.  So thinking I was doing well I let down my guard and sure enough, the heaven’s opened (more like hell for my diet) and what do I see? A beautiful, beautiful home-made pecan pie.  Oh why? Oh why? Oh why?  My resolve is only so strong, my armor only so thick, and my eyesight extremely clear.  Pie here I am!  Here I am!

Therefore, before weigh in tonight I though for sure I was a goner.  And by goner I mean done, finished, gained.  P+ of course was encouraging every step to the door.  She said I was actually slouching as I walked in… how embarrassing. (my southern etiquette was out the door- good thing I wasn’t raised in the South.)  But as we talked and walked, because of course she always parks far away, she just kept telling me: Trust The Program.  So I did. My faith was in their hands.  And it was rewarded with the holy grail of weigh-ins!  4.2 lost!  Can you believe it?!!! Me neither.  Apparently being sick has its advantages.  And so does blessed pecan pie.

Needing INSPIRATION

What to do when you’ve just had an amazing Carl’s Jr. Teriyaki Chicken Burger for a whopping 14 points+? Look for inspiration.  Now let me just say: it was delicious!  I haven’t had fast food for two months and all things considered 14 isn’t crazy insane bad, especially for someone who gets 42 for the entire day.  But even so… I don’t want to get the mentality that I can do this every day.  So where can I go for a quick “pick-me-up” emotional-style, extra happiness on the side? YOUTUBE!  Can you use some inspiration? Check out these go-getters who made it through:

April’s Transformation

The Story Of Jess

Brandon’s Progress